I try to fill my heart with empty feelings, because I am afraid that it would mean something if I don't. But no matter how hard I try, how much thought I have given it, I do not succeed anything. I end up just where I started. 0 zero. I try . . I try to feel salvation about something, that I do not know what it is or how it affects me, i just know that it is there. It makes my life, a life wasted.